community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize