You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize