Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
