dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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