i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
