On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
