yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
