Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
