first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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