her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
