The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
