I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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