It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how do you play pong handcuffed?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
