he thought i was a dude.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
