First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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