i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
