Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
