update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize