I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
