YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
