I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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