I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
