Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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