The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
