He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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