i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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