the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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