i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's the barista slut.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
