I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
