Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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