My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The adults are the big ones right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
