did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
