I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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