This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
