Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
