I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
