I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
