yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Everclear isn't food dammit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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