I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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