Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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