I want to make a zoo with you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
MIDGETS
????
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
