remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
