i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
