it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
