This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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