Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
