Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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