When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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