Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
