I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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