I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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