butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
