It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
