oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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