I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
