suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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