Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
