i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
