I think im going to throw up on grandma
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
