At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
