you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
