so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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