Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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